Unthinkable (Undeniable Trilogy #1) Page 12

  “I see. You and Nicholas are dating currently right?” So much for trying to keep that one to myself.

  “We are kind of seeing each other,” I replied.

  “You know John called Nicky this morning and he said he had an attitude when he called him like he had been arguing.”

  I held my head down when my morning became obvious.

  “Ah, I see. I don’t know what happened between you two, but I think you should take the rest of the day off and pull yourself together. Maybe he’ll call, maybe he won’t, but you deserve to give yourself time to work this out.”

  I looked up at Mr. Anderson, who was now standing before me and gave him a slight smile as I stood to shake his hand.

  “Thank you, Mr. Anderson,” I softly spoke to him. I turned and went back to my office where Samantha was patiently waiting for me.

  “How did the meeting go?” she asked cautiously with concern on her face. I told her about the contents of the meeting with Mr. Anderson and that due to the fabulous job we did that we were going to get raises.

  “That’s great, Maya, but, why do you still look unhappy?”

  “Mr. Anderson is aware of this morning’s event between Nicholas and I and he told me to take the rest of the day off to help deal with whatever is going on. Apparently, the call that Nicholas took this morning was his dad and Nicholas did not have the best demeanor.”

  “Oy,” she said in a disbelief tone. “I agree with Mr. Anderson, you do need to take the day off and go sleep this sadness off that pretty face. I will pitch in around here if needed.” I hugged her tightly.

  “Thank you. Hugs and kisses?”

  “Hugs and kisses. Now go on and get out of here.” I left the office and headed home.

  On my way home, I stopped by the corner store and grabbed ice cream, cookies, and a soda. When I get into these moods I do one of three things, I either work out which I’m too exhausted to do thanks to last night, I work nonstop, but seeing how I was sent home, that is not an option, or I pig out which is my obvious choice for today’s mood. I opened my door, put my things on the counter, pulled off my clothes as I walked through the house, went and put on a T-shirt. I was angry with myself for opening my mouth. I was angry for not opening it when he was asking me questions. He wasn’t asking me to say it back to him he wanted to let me know how he felt. Why was I acting stupid, and offended by his feelings? Why didn’t I tell him how I felt? I took a big bite of my chocolate chip ice cream as I fought back the tears that were threatening and turned on the TV watched whatever movie was playing. It was actually watching me since my focus was not on the present, but my past, this past morning. I decided rest was exactly what I needed. I put my ice cream in the freezer, cleaned up my mess, climbed into my bed, and went to sleep.

  I woke up and realized that I had been sleeping all day and most of the evening.

  Eleven o’clock. Jeez. I will never get back to sleep now, I said to myself. I grabbed my cell phone to check my emails. There were a few from clients wishing me a speedy recovery, no thanks to Samantha I’m sure, and a few missed calls and texts from the girls of course. Nothing from Nicholas. I sighed and put my phone down, got up, and went to go find suitable food to eat. I was heating up a pot pie when my phone rang. Hoping that it was Nicholas, I ran into the room to get it. I looked and it was Mr. Anderson.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “I was calling to see if you were feeling better.”

  “I am, Mr. Anderson. Thank you for your concern.”

  “That is good to hear because you have a meeting with the selection committee tomorrow morning at eight a.m. They want to meet briefly at the Mandarin Oriental. Breakfast will be provided by the hotel. I need you and Samantha there by seven thirty a.m. to make sure the conference room we reserved is set up. John will be coming in shortly before eight a.m. to assist us with any questions they may have.” I heard all of what he said, but when I heard that Mr. Hansen and not Nicholas was going to be there, nothing else seemed to matter.

  “Nicholas won’t be there?”

  “No, John sent him out of town to a site that they are having issues with permits. You are okay without him, right?”

  “Um, yes, yes, I am fine as long as Mr. Hansen has the company specs.” My voice cracked a little, choking back the lump forming in my throat. I was looking forward to the opportunity to apologize for my flippant attitude.

  “I will call Samantha and make sure that we are there on time,” I spoke.

  “Good night, Amaya. See you in the morning.”

  I called Samantha and I heard her phone ringing in my house.

  I hope I didn’t grab her phone, I thought as I dialed her number again. This time, I followed the sound and it was in my spare bedroom. I turned on the light to see if she was in there.

  “Turn it back off,” she yelled while placing the pillow over her head. I turned the light off, went, and lay down beside her.

  “Why are you here, Red?” I asked.

  “Mr. Anderson came to me later after you left and told me about the meeting. I came over to tell you when you didn’t answer your phone. You didn’t answer the door so I let myself in and saw that you were in a mood because there was half-eaten ice cream in the freezer. So I went to my place, grabbed clothes, and came back to assess the damage and see how much cleanup I would have to do.” That made me smile. She had always been my life counselor. Despite how I felt about anything, my girls always knew how to comfort me. I kissed her on the cheek.

  “Thank you, Red. Good night.”

  “Night, Maya.” I went and grabbed my potpie, ate, and went to bed.

  ****

  The next morning, Samantha and I drove to the Mandarin to make sure everything was set up for the meeting. Samantha filled me in on what the committee asked for during this meeting and she was in talks with Tabitha to get the information that was requested for Hansen. Mr. Anderson arrived a few minutes before Mr. Hansen.

  “Amaya, nice to see you again.” His voice was booming, stern, and a little intimidating.

  “You as well, Mr. Hansen.” I felt embarrassed to look at him, considering that I hurt his son. His eyes were the same as his son’s but his had concern looking back at me.

  “This is my assistant Samantha. She will be assisting me, uh, you, and us if needed.” I stumbled through that introduction. My nerves were all over the place. I looked up at Mr. Anderson and he smiled slightly at me.

  “Can I see you for a minute, please?” Samantha asked and excused us.

  “Girl, get your shit together,” Samantha scolded as I was fidgeting with my fingers. “Maya, I have never seen you like this and we have been friends since junior high.”

  “Fuck, I know. It’s just that I think I was feeling for him the way he felt for me. I need him to understand that after Michael, I haven’t been able to feel anymore. Michael completely broke me and I do not know how to deal. I need to talk to him, see him.”

  “Maya, you haven’t been able to stop thinking about Nicholas in two days and it’s obvious you are missing him right now. You ate ice cream and cookies, by yourself mind you. You got it bad for this dude.” Samantha was right. I was doing poorly. I needed to square things away with him, explain my actions, and explain Michael. I hadn’t concentrated on anything since Tuesday morning when we had that misfire between us after an amazing night. I really wanted to see him.

  “Maya let me ask you a question. Do you love him?”

  “Samantha, I don’t know. There is a lot to figure out and work on, but I do want to give myself to him fully. I know I keep holding back.” I started rubbing my wrist as I looked down and saw I still had slight markings from the nylon rope.

  Mr. Anderson and Mr. Hansen approached us.

  “You girls okay?” Mr. Anderson asked.

  “Yes, sir, I’m sorry. I’m a little nervous,” I rebutted.

  “I’m glad to hear you’re okay. Samantha, let’s go get things started.”

  “Sure thing,
Mr. Anderson.”

  “Maya, I want to speak with you for a short moment,” Mr. Hansen said.

  “Uh, sure,” I responded, a little uncertain.

  “Charles, we’ll be there momentarily.” Samantha and Mr. Anderson headed back into the conference room.

  “My goodness, Amaya, you are beautiful,” Mr. Hansen said. “Nicholas goes on and on about your beauty, but, it isn’t the outer beauty he sees. You have a light that shines about you, but it was dimmed wasn’t it?” I believe he was referring to the pieces of my heart that are still shattered.

  “Yes, sir,” I responded without looking at him, feeling ashamed about my past and how I let it affect my present and possibly future.

  “Hmm, I thought so. My son, well, let’s just say he doesn’t take patience seriously. He is a go get ’em type of guy. He briefly told me what happened and I told him that he should not have jumped so early with his affections. Not that you may or may not feel that way, but that you may have things from your past preventing you from feeling. I know what it feels like. It can drive you to do things in order to numb yourself so you don’t feel again. I sent him away to give you a chance to breathe. If he is at all serious about you, then you deserve that much. You did the right thing by not displaying feelings you are unsure exist.” I reached up, hugged Mr. Hansen, and thanked him for his words, for understanding. I now felt that I wasn’t too rash in my choice not to say I love you back to Nicholas.

  “Excuse me, the meeting is starting,” Samantha interrupted.

  “Thanks, Sam,” I said.

  “Shall we?” Mr. Hansen took me by the arm and we headed into the conference room.

  Our short meeting lasted two hours. They liked the presentation and canceled the other meeting set for today as they wanted to get more information from Hansen construction. Mr. Hansen had to call Jason in for backup since Nicholas was out of town. Jason arrived with design samples he and Nicholas had been working on as well as projections from financial and sub-contractors they were in talks with. They liked the information so much that they wanted to set up a final meeting with them. We all agreed to work with the scheduling coordinator and have a list of available dates by Friday. The selection committee left and we were all excited. Mr. Anderson and Mr. Hansen were talking and laughing. Jason and Samantha were talking, no doubt about each other, and I realized that I was missing Nicholas. He normally would be holding my hand, whispering his wish list of sexual things in my ear, or making plans for dinner. I took a deep breath and walked over toward the juice bar to grab a drink. I could hear Mr. Anderson tell Mr. Hansen that he expected to see him Friday at the celebration.

  Now I don’t have a date, I thought to myself. I never once thought to ask when Nicholas was returning because I didn’t want anyone to think I was desperate. Jason and Samantha walked over to where I was standing, laughing and poking at each other.

  “Maya, are you ready to head back to the office?” Samantha asked.

  “Yes. Quickly. I have a lot of things to get working on,” I responded.

  “Okay. Bye, Jason.” Samantha said flirtatiously with a giggle. I rolled my eyes, grabbed her hand, and walked out.

  ****

  We got back to the office and I had an envelope sitting on my desk. Considering that we are working with various scheduling coordinators for the next meeting, I did not hesitate to open it.

  “Thank you for the most amazing night I have ever had with Nick. It was amazing and I owe it all to you and whatever it is that you did to him. He was extremely worked up and I am glad I helped relieve his stress. I am so glad his dad sent us on this little trip.”

  Included with this note were pictures of Tabitha and Nicholas embraced in a kiss and various other positions. My mouth fell open and tears began to fall. That dropping feeling in the pit of my stomach became more evident the more I studied those pictures.

  “Fuck this!” I threw the envelope and all its contents down, grabbed my purse, and left. I could hear Samantha running after me.

  “Maya, wait where are you going?” I got on the elevator and she stuck her foot in the door as it was closing.

  “Amaya Elise Davis! What the fuck is going on? What has you upset?” I closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling, took a deep breath, and began spilling the tea.

  “Tabitha is on the trip with Nicholas and she sent me a note with a picture of him kissing her and in various positions.” I started crying again with my heart in my throat and the pounding in my ears.

  “Oh, Maya, honey. I am so sorry.” Samantha reached out to hug me, but I pushed her hands away.

  “Samantha, this is why I don’t do relationships. I keep getting hurt one way or another.” Samantha started crying.

  “Maya, I can come over tonight if you want.”

  “Yes. Samantha, please tell Mr. Anderson that I gave my team the next two days off and that I had an emergency and left and if he needs anything he can email me.”

  “Sure thing,” Samantha complied. I hailed a cab and went home.

  ****

  Stop! Michael, you are hurting me.

  Girl you know you want this dick. Now open those legs.

  You are drunk, Michael. Why are you doing this?

  Amaya, bitch, stop fighting me. We have fucked plenty of times before. Why you actin’ like you don’t want this?

  It’s not an act. Get the fuck off me. (SLAP) Why did you hit me?

  Bitch stop talking back to me and open your fucking legs, you fucking whore.

  Michael that hurts. Stop! Michael, stop!

  I woke up sweating profusely from my nightmare. Samantha ran into my room as she heard my screams from the guest bedroom.

  “Honey, are you okay?” she asked while holding and rocking me. She hadn’t had to comfort me like this since college.

  “No, I am not. This shit has me fucked up, Sam. I thought I got this shit behind me.” I sighed at the thought of letting this emotion go.

  “It’s coming up because it wants to and needs to be released so that you can move forward with Nicholas.”

  “Huh. Nicholas is not wanting to be bothered with me anymore in case you could not tell by the pictures I was sent. You know what, Samantha, fuck this shit. I’m done. No need to continue to try to have a relationship if I am not wanted.” I broke her hold on me and lay back down on my bed. She lay down beside me and placed her hand over my heart.

  “Are you trying to get a cheap feel, missy?” I asked sarcastically.

  “No, I have felt them before, remember? Anyway, your heart is not saying what your mouth is. You are not done with Nicholas.”

  “Yes, I am. I told him I trusted him and then he’s kissing on his body pillow.”

  “I don’t think it is right what happened and I don’t condone it either, but, I know he feels real about you. I’m sure this was a mistake.”

  “A mistake that he cheated on me?” I asked angrily.

  “Maya, you two aren’t exactly together since you can’t seem to fully commit. So that does not count as cheating.” Fuck, I hate when she is right and she was right. How can I be upset at Nicholas when the ball is in my court and I’m not making any moves? I was glad to be off the next two days because I needed to see my therapist.

  ****

  The next day, Samantha and I met Tia and Gabrielle for a much-needed spa day. We set rules for the day—no talk about any men, especially Nicholas. We indulged in an all-day treatment with full body massages, body mask treatments, facials, manicures and pedicures, and milk baths before getting our makeup applied. After our relaxing day, we ordered take-out Chinese food and went to Tia’s to continue to relax and eat.

  “Maya, I hear that you are making a name for yourself at work,” Tia said an attempt to break the ice.

  “I am applying what I learned in school—absolutely nothing—and doing what I know to do.” We laughed at that because we always said that we would never apply what we learned to our jobs because it was not based on the real world.
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br />   “I bet Nicholas is going to be happy when they get the NFL contract,” said Gabrielle. The room fell silent with eyes looking at me.

  “Gabrielle,” whispered Tia in a shame on you tone.

  “No, it’s okay. You guys are dying to know what happened as I know Sam probably didn’t tell you everything.”

  “Since you are offering information,” Tia said, “what the fuck is going on with you two?”

  “Rick said he hasn’t spoken to Nicholas since Sunday afternoon and that was only for about three minutes,” Gabrielle followed.

  “We had a great Sunday and Monday evening, extremely good time.” I rubbed my wrists thinking about the red rope that bound them. “Tuesday morning, however, our lines of communication broke down and sent us into a tailspin.”

  “What happened?” Gabrielle was engrossed in the story.

  “He gave me a key to both of his places and then told me he loved me.” They both gasped in shock.

  “Maya, what did you say?”

  “I didn’t respond. Actually, I freaked out. I told him that I don’t know how to process what he said to me.” The look on Tia’s face was of disappointment. I could tell she was ready to lecture me.

  “Have you told him about Michael?” she asked.

  “No, I haven’t.” My reply was short and laced with anger for being asked that question again.

  “Why not?” said Gabrielle. I closed my eyes for a brief moment to gather my thoughts and then rolled my eyes as I opened them.

  ”I don’t know. Maybe he won’t be able to handle it. There hasn’t been a good moment to tell him. How do I tell him while we are having sex that oh, by the way, my boyfriend used to rape and beat me?” The room fell silent again. I was sitting there thinking about all this stuff and how it was affecting me, still affecting me. It’s been four years since my relationship with Michael went bad and the worst thing is I didn’t press charges even though he changed schools based on fear of me reporting him since he was a star basketball player.