Unthinkable (Undeniable Trilogy #1) Read online

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I want you, all of you. I want to know everything about you. Your ins and outs, what makes you happy, everything. I understand you are fragile and guarded so I will go at your pace. I want a chance to win your heart, a chance to heal that hurt.” I felt a tear wanting to form in my eye, but I fought it, not wanting to show my weakened emotion. I kept thinking was he sincere in his words. Michael used the same style to woo me, fuck me, and hurt me. Last night and this morning were different. Nicholas was attentive to my happiness and my body responded to his touch and commands. It was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever felt.

  “What about last night what did it mean to you?” I asked.

  “It was me unwrapping a gift I have been wanting and was finally able to open. I wanted to cherish the moment in case I never get a chance to have that moment again.” Ugh, could he be any sexier? I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for what felt like an eternity, and slowly exhaled, trying to calm the urge to fuck him right here, right now. When I opened my eyes, I noticed he slid over beside me in our booth and we were face to face staring into each other’s eyes. He reached out and touched my face, causing me to lean into his hand, appreciating the warmth. He placed his other hand on my face, pulling me into the softest kiss upon my lips. I closed my eyes preparing for the intensity. It was full of passion, hunger, desire, and confidence. It made me melt, my knees buckle—and I was sitting. I opened my eyes to discover him smiling at me; that panty-disintegrating smile that I had fallen victim to for the past two years. It was time for me to climb outside my box and see what was available.

  “Okay, Nicholas,” I whispered agreeably.

  “Please call me Nick.”

  “Nick.” We began to kiss again when the waitress returned and took our order.

  Chapter 7

  We were finishing our lunch when Nicholas’s phone rang. The look on his face was angry.

  “Excuse me, Maya. I have to take this call.”

  “That’s fine. I’m finishing my lunch, go ahead.” Pleased that he was considerate enough to excuse himself from the table, I was wondering why he was upset. I followed him as he went outside and saw the look on his face, the expressions he made. He didn’t appear happy when he came back to the table. He ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.

  “I am enjoying the time that we are spending together,” he said, “but I need to go to a job site and work some things out.”

  “Of course, I understand. I can catch a cab back to my place if that would make it easier.”

  “No, I’m taking you home. That way I can make sure that you are safe.”

  “I know that if you are needed on a Saturday then it must be urgent and I don’t want to delay you.”

  “It is but, making sure that you get home is equally important to me.” Every time I made a point, he had a rebuttal. I could tell that I was not going to win this battle so I conceded.

  ****

  The ride back to my place was quiet. I had glanced over at Nick on a few occasions, hoping to catch him looking at me, but he wasn't. He had a stern look of disappointment on his face and I couldn't help but wonder what the issue that had him at full attention was. When we arrived, I turned to speak to him, but I could see something menacing in his eyes, dark and controlling. Reminded me briefly how Michael would look at me before forcing himself on me.

  “Thank you, Nicholas, for a great night and lunch.” My voice was submissive and ashamed. My anxiety began to build as those uneasy feelings from my past started to make a guest appearance in my present. I opened the door and hurried out of the car without explanation.

  “Amaya, wait,” he called out as the door closed. I kept walking, tears beginning to roll down my face. Now I was truly embarrassed. I felt like I made a complete fool of myself.

  “Maya,” he yelled out. I pretended as if I did not hear him. I could see the reflection of him coming toward me as I entered the building. George saw me approach and opened the door.

  “Don’t let him in,” I told him as I pressed the button for the elevator. I turned to see him arguing with George about not letting him in. He knocked on the window as I entered the elevator and I heard him call out my name as the doors closed.

  I ran into my place with tears streaming down my face and uncontrollable sobs. My past pain that I had managed to bury was alive and well. The hurt of what another had done was seeping through. The same hurt that I told Nicholas about earlier and he said that he wanted to heal. My cell phone began to ring and I knew without a doubt it was Nick. I didn’t even bother to answer it. I just let the call go to voice mail. I didn’t feel like explaining my anxiety or burdening someone with my pain. God, I am beyond fucked up. Why did I do that? I started shunning myself for all my actions over the last twenty-four hours, wishing I never went home with Nicholas. I began to remember how he attended to my twisted ankle in a way that opened me to being with him. He made sure to ask if I was sure, so this was not on him. This was all me. The sound of my phone ringing broke me from my trance. I started to answer it, but it stopped ringing and I was not going to call him back. I needed to climb back off the ledge. I turned my phone off, went to lay down on my bed, and cried myself to sleep.

  ****

  “No! No! Don’t! Stop! Don’t fucking touch me!”

  “Come on, Amaya. You know you like it.”

  “No, I don’t want to do this. Please stop, Michael. Get off me, Michael.”

  “Bitch! Why you actin’ like you don’t know what to do when I come in.”

  “Ouch, why did you hit me? You’re fucking high and drunk.”

  “Get over here and fuck me now, Amaya! Yeah, that’s it. That’s how I like it, baby. Just like that. Mmm, yeah…”

  “Amaya, Amaya! Open up the door.”

  “We know that you are in there!” The loud noise coming from my door thankfully pulled me from my nightmare. I stumbled to the living room to open it.

  “Eww, look at you. What’s wrong, mami?” Gabrielle asked, as she looked me over and hugged me.

  “Aww, Maya. What’s wrong?” asked Samantha as she joined the hug.

  “We’ve called you all day and the calls went straight to voice mail,” said Tia and she joined us.

  “I am fine, ladies. I turned my phone off to get some sleep.” The three of them looked at me and I knew they knew I was lying.

  “Are you okay, Maya? Nicholas called Jason who called Chris, who called Rick while we were at lunch and told them that something was wrong with you,” Gabrielle said.

  “Damnit, dish Maya, what is wrong?” asked Samantha.

  “Nothing happened. At least, nothing that we didn’t want to happen,” I said, my voice breathy as I thought back to the night and morning we spent together. “I allowed him in because I thought he was different, knew that he was different. We had a great lunch, you know? We talked a little about last night. He told me about what I wore on the first day of class our freshman year, and that surprised me. But then it started to unravel for me after he took a phone call and this look on his face reminded me of how Michael used to look at me before he struck me.” I pouted and tears started to flow again.

  “Maya, you have to get over your past relationships so that you can move forward with him,” Samantha said while I rested my head in her lap.

  “Samantha is right, mami. What happened to you in college is in the past and you have a great future in front of you and possibly ahead of you with Nicholas.”

  “Relax, Maya,” Tia said sweetly while handing me a glass of wine. I don’t think that Nicholas wants to hurt you.”

  “Maybe this is all new to him too. You know, a serious relationship,” Samantha said.

  “Does he know about you and Michael?” asked Tia. They all turned and looked at me with wonder in their eyes. Telling Nicholas about Michael is not something I’m sure I should do.

  “No, he doesn’t know,” I whispered. “Plus, I am not sure if, let alone how, I should bring it u
p or if I am going to tell him or if he wants to be with me long enough to find out.” The sound of exasperation escaped my voice, followed by a deep sigh. “Why, why did I do this?” My frustrations clearly became evident when I kicked the table and my glass tipped over. Samantha grabbed me and held me close.

  “Maya, it is time to deal with this shit and let it go. You are only going to hurt yourself by not confronting these issues and because of that, you could possibly miss out on happiness.”

  “Come on, let's go grab dinner,” Tia suggested as she cleaned up my spill. They all agreed, but I didn’t want to leave my house.

  “No, I am not in the mood. Plus I haven’t done anything all day,” I mumbled as I looked around at last night’s dressing room.

  “We can order take out and stay and help,” Gabrielle said bashfully as she picked up her bra and panties off the couch. I smiled at the sentiment, but I really wanted to be alone.

  “No, girls, I’m fine. I am going to shower and clean up and go back to bed. Please, go out and have a good night,” I insisted.

  “Okay, mami, we will,” Gabrielle said with a sad look in her eyes. The girls and I hugged each other good night.

  “Hugs and kisses?” Samantha said.

  “Hugs and kisses,” I replied. I saw my cell phone on the table, walked over, and grabbed it. I knew that I was going to have multiple messages from them and maybe my mom and definitely Nicholas, but despite how I would feel when seeing his name, I turned it on. There were no messages from Nicholas, not one voice mail. My heart sank. There was this little amount of hope that he would continue to reach out to me despite my cold shoulder, but that all disappeared. I put my phone on the charger in my room and decided to clean my place.

  I turned on my iPod and selected my cleanup playlist. It contained a lot of rock and hip-hop songs to keep me moving. I love listening to music. It helps soothe me and I gain mental clarity. I feel like I can take my frustrations out in dance or movement. I was so entranced with my thoughts while cleaning that I didn’t notice that it was eleven p.m. When I stopped, I looked around, realized that I had rearranged my kitchen cabinets, my closet, cleaned my bathrooms, and swept and mopped the floors.

  Since I hadn’t eaten, I fixed a quick grilled chicken salad and then took a hot shower. The water was warm and inviting, instantly relieving me of my stress. The way the water cascaded off my body reminded me of the shower I took with Nicholas earlier that morning. Maybe I was thinking about it, about him, and the water was not the catalyst. The thought of my past blocking me from my present and possible future disturbed me. I began to wonder if I screwed this up before it could get started. I couldn’t get my mind to stop thinking and relax to the point that I started having an anxiety attack. I quickly got out of the shower and lay down, doing breathing exercises to calm my nerves. This is why I don’t do relationships, I thought to myself. Not because they are complicated, but because I am complicated. Because I am broken, I don’t see how anyone could mend me. All because of one person, one person who managed to skew my view on all relationships with another man ever. I decided to refuse to let the pain get me down. I got up, grabbed my T-shirt and put it on, placed my iPod on my dock in my room and went to sleep.

  ****

  A loud sound came from the living room causing me to stir. I opened my eyes and lay there trying to decipher the sound. The sound was now clear and I could tell it was a knock on the door. I looked over at the clock and was upset that it was 2:47 a.m. I couldn’t believe they came back, I thought to myself as I got up and stumbled to the door once again. Another knock sounded on the door as I entered the living room.

  “I’m coming!” I yelled, slowly stumbling to the door. I unlocked the door to open it and when I did, there he stood. Nicholas stared at me with an apologetic look in his eyes and a single red tulip in his hand.

  “Nicholas.” I breathed out, his appearance having caught me off guard. He handed me the flower and suddenly rushed me, grabbing and kissing me hard. He closed the door behind him and began to take off his shirt. He stepped out of his shoes and carried me into my room, our mouths never separating. I completely melted into him and was suddenly aware that I had on nothing but a T-shirt.

  He laid me on the bed and hovered above me.

  “Amaya,” he whispered. “I’m sorry if I did anything to upset or hurt you earlier. I know that you have been hurt and I want you to know that I would not hurt you. Please forgive me.”

  “Nicholas, it’s not your fault. I overreacted and panicked over my past. I was unsure of what I was feeling and started to allow doubt and past hurt move in on me. I’m sorry. I should’ve turned to you when you called out to me.” I raised up on my elbows with only air between us as a tear fell when I kissed him. He smiled and gently wiped my tear and kissed me. There was a deep passion and hunger in his kiss that aroused me. I felt my nipples become taut and my breasts full as I felt the ache begin to build between my thighs. I ran my hands over his bare-naked back, tracing the outline of his shoulders down to the waistline of his shorts. It was evident that his desire was beginning to consume him. When he lay down on top of me, I could feel his cock lengthening and hardening on my thigh. That ache began to deepen, and my clit was now throbbing. My breathing becoming shallower. He stood, removed his shorts, and revealed his long, thick cock standing at full attention.

  “Maya, you are the only woman that can make me get this fucking hard.” He had a devilish grin on his face as he climbed back on top of me. He began to kiss my neck softly.

  “I want you, I love being with you, I love being inside you. He whispered to me between kisses on my neck. ‘I love tasting you.” He said as he looked into my eyes, slowly fingering my pussy.

  I jumped a little, as I was still sore from our last encounter. I started thinking about how he had me pinned against his wall and how deep his thrusts were and how good they felt. I found myself grinding against his fingers. He removed them and began licking them, teasingly, slowly, agonizingly. I started panting, looking at the want that was gleaming from his eyes.

  “I love how you taste,” he whispered. His breath was sensual and sending tingles down to my apex.

  “I want to fuck you all night, slowly, hoping that time will stand still and the night will never end.” His words were melting me like butter. I slipped my hand between my thighs and felt my entrance. I wanted to feel him inside me that I started to touch myself.

  “No, no, no, Maya. Let me take care of you.” He removed my fingers from my sex and began licking and sucking my secretions off them.

  I wanted to mount Nicholas, but he forced me back down.

  “Be patient,” he teased.

  “But I want you now. I want you inside me,” I moaned, expressing my desire as it grew within me. Nicholas smiled at me with that delicious, wicked smile that made me melt on command. I tried to sit up again.

  “Calm down, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” I lay back down and tried to control the raging ache that was building inside me while I watched him slowly and intimidatingly stroke his cock. He was in a knelt down position beside me within my reach. I took great pleasure in watching him stroke it, up and down, paying close attention to the head and then back down his shaft.

  “Nicholas why are you doing this to me?” I asked. Reaching out to touch him only to have him grab my hand and suck on my fingers.

  I longed for his mouth to be sucking my nipples like that. My thoughts began to explore other things I wanted him to do to me, like sucking on my clit and lapping the release as I climaxed. I removed my fingers from his mouth and began to please myself once again, making small circles on my clit with one hand and pulling at my nipples with the other all while watching Nicholas. He began to stroke faster as he took delight in what he was watching me do to myself.

  “Maya, baby, please stop doing that,” he begged. I continued to rub harder and faster as I felt my orgasm coming. As I closed my eyes, my breathing began to get shallower and my moans louder. I whisp
ered his name as I kept rewinding our time together in my mind. How his cock felt so good inside me. How with each thrust I wanted him more. How I wish he were in me now.

  “Oh, Nicholas,” I panted. I could feel jade-colored eyes watching me get off on his memory.

  “Nicholas,” I cried. I suddenly felt his tongue thrust inside me, taking long lashes inside my walls. He began to suck on my clit and finally brought me to orgasm. My body was jolting with pleasure. My back arched and Nicholas continued to suck and lick the evidence of my undoing.

  I opened my eyes as I felt Nicholas hover above me. His cock was still at full mast and as he lay against my body, I could feel it throbbing against my thigh. He nuzzled at my neck and his breath was warm and sweet. He started gently biting my neck and then my ear.

  “I’m going to take you now,” he whispered. Nicholas parted my legs and slid his finger inside my walls. He swiftly thrust deep within me and I could feel myself expanding to take all of him in. I jumped at his hard entrance to my tender box. He put his arms around me and held me tighter.

  “Maya, tell me if it’s too much, I can back down,” he whispered. I looked up and pressed my lips to his, giving him assurance that I was comfortable with him. He slowly pulled out again and then thrust harder. I dug my nails into his back, making a mark, and leaving him with his back arched.

  I wrapped my legs around him tightly as he continued to move in and out of me slowly, at a delicious, agonizing pace. I closed my eyes and I could feel every inch of him glide smoothly as far as he could go. I could feel the passion and heat in each thrust. Little droplets of sweat were running down his back. Actually, we were both sweaty and sticky. Nicholas began to lick the sweat off my neck and started nibbling along my neckline. He turned us over, me now atop of him, and he moved us to the edge of the bed in a sitting position. He grabbed my breasts and started sucking on my nipples as I started to slowly move my hips in circles and then up and down. I threw my head back as Nicholas began to counter with his thrusts as I moved my hips.